Being a tease is nearly as fun as being a huge slut but much more respectable. Sounds like a fair trade to me!

Ummm, okay. I guess I’ll stay in tonight?

Your brain is right, please stop calling. It makes you look desperate. 

They obviously have not met my ex.

What can I say, I’m much more interesting than you. Don’t try to lie, that’s why you want to date me. 

Ummm… hey all you mothers out there, at the very least I would expect you to teach your daughter that when a penis penetrates your vagina, you’re having sex. I thought that was kind of a given but I guess not. 

If you’re wearing a orange knitted suit, that’s game over. I’m not going to lie though, I am pretty impressed with your skills. Grandma has nothing on you. 

… but unfortunately no one else feels the same way :)